The Sandwich Generation
Am I a Member? And What Can I Do to Take Care of Myself?
Are you part of the Sandwich Generation?
With an aging population and a generation of young adults struggling to achieve financial independence, many adults are part of what is being referred to as “the Sandwich Generation.” Imagine rushing home from picking up your school-aged child after work, to feed your elderly father dinner, bringing toddlers to doctor appointments for your mother’s cataract surgery while working on your laptop. If you are in your 40s or 50’s you may be part of this cohort of Americans responsible for caring for and supporting parents 65 and older, as well as young children. 23% of American adults are! Many responsibilities of caring for both parents and children fall to the women in the family.
What are some issues that members of the Sandwich Generations faces?
It is not uncommon to feel like there is not enough time for everything when people are navigating multiple caregiving roles- there probably isn't! When you work an 8-10 hour work day, then come home to care for and cook for children for a few hours, and then squeeze in time for an elder there is little time for relaxation and self-care on the part of the caregiver. People caring for adults and children tandemly need validation of what a huge responsibility they have. They may experience false guilt that they can't have a perfect dinner on the table for their kids, or that they feel resentful of their parents for not doing things differently. Often there is little time for exercise, time with friends, and even sleep. Caregivers are undervalued in our culture when their values should be celebrated.
What are some ways to cope with the stress of constant caregiving?
You may be surprised to find out that people in the Sandwich Generation report higher rates of familial satisfaction and happiness. However, there are often unmet needs that need to be addressed. For example, if you are finding yourself caring for both children and elders it is important to keep some things in mind:
Ask for help! Often we feel that this makes us less competent, but it is essential to help to continue this important work. Lean on siblings or other family members. Ask them to help with appointments, errands, or carpooling. Accepting help is an act of love for those you care for.
Find time to take a break. Even 5 minutes on the couch with a cup of tea sitting quietly, or a 10-minute brisk walk can contribute to feeling reset and cared for. These small moments are incredibly important and well-deserved.
Be mindful of what is going on on the inside. Express your honest feelings about your situation with a trusted friend, neighbor, or therapist. Don’t be too hard on yourself, what you are doing is HARD! Tell yourself kind things, and notice when you might be beating yourself off unfairly.
Acknowledge all that you do, working, caring for children, caring for older people this is a significant and important role, and one to be very proud of.
Know that there are communities out there that can support you. You are not alone in this stage of life. The Caregiver Action Network offers a wealth of knowledge and support. It even has a live chat and “Family Caregiver Toolbox” to get you started on additional support.
Written by Sonja Melton