Four Aspects of Healthy Grieving
There are many types of loss encountered throughout the human experience. From fatal casualties to micro aggressions, there are a spectrum of scenarios that cause us pain every day. Each person experiences suffering in some way, and no individual understands it the same.
Maybe you’ve recently battled a broken heart or tragic loss, houselessness, divorce, relocation, lost an important game or had a near death experience. Maybe you’ve had a house fire, received bullying remarks, struggled with chronic illness, theft, a pet dying or failed high school geometry. No matter the type of affliction that ails you, grief is the neighbor bringing questions, disruptions, feelings and comfort whether we respond to the doorbell or not.
While grief is affected heavily by gender, age, culture, and relationships, a common reaction to loss in America is hurrying to get “back to normal” as soon as possible. Often the uncomfortable feelings push us to force routine or joviality in order to avoid staying in those dark places. Unfortunately, “fine” is not an emotion we can feel, but feelings such as sadness, anger, disbelief, despair, guilt and loneliness might become familiar as we move through certain loss.
The problem with grief is that it is unpredictable and often overwhelming. It affects all parts of the human body, emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually. It can cause us to have irrational thoughts and behavior due to the stress of caring and carrying. We might experience changes in sleeping patterns, nightmares, or appetite as the body adjusts to our present reality. It is not uncommon to encounter a “dark night of the soul” or crisis of faith that affects our hope and sense of purpose.
No matter the stage of grief, here are four aspects of healthy grieving that we can implement when heartbreak knocks at the door:
First, try to be patient with yourself. Comparing yourself to others will cause added stress. Go through mourning at your own pace by breathing into those painful moments and listening to what your body might need.
Second, be around others even when you don't feel like you have anything to say. Grief has a way of speaking for itself through body language and felt presence. Relationships will foster healing.
Third, postpone major decision making. Your body may be experiencing changes that require you to slow down. If you have a major decision coming up, you may want to consider delaying it or bringing in some trusted friends and family to help you.
Fourth, remind yourself that those BIG feelings will come and go. Grief is erratic. Pausing to feel and release can help the brain re-shuffle and adapt to current circumstances.
Some helpful questions to ask yourself when you are going through a hard time, could be as follows:
What would you like others to know to help them better understand your grief?
What have you learned about crying? Can you anticipate what will make you cry?
Who are the persons that have been most helpful to you in your grief?
What have they done or said that was helpful?
Are there aspects of this loss that make you angry?
How have relationships with friends and family members changed since your loss?
In what ways are you now different because of this loss?
Do you have any regrets? What are the parts of your grief that you will never regret?
If you would like to learn about some more resources regarding grief, visit https://griefwatch.com . Knowing when your feelings are triggered by grief is an essential mindfulness skill to learn as you grieve.
Written by Clare Fragomeni