I Just Discovered That My Child is Sexting
If you’ve recently noticed your teenager sexting, you are not alone. Nor is your child.
What is Sexting? And Why is My Child Doing It?
Although it is difficult to determine the exact frequency, at least 10-15% of adolescents in the U.S. engage in sexting - the transfer of sexually suggestive or explicit images or messages through apps such as Snapchat, WhatsApp, Facebook Messenger, Kik, iMessage, and Instagram.
When you discover that your adolescent is sexting, various questions can flood your mind: Why are they doing this? What are they thinking? What did I do wrong? How do I make them stop? What if other people find out?
Your teen could be attempting to show their love to a partner, express their sexuality and sexual desires, or engage in intimacy and romance. While most sexting occurs in the context of a relationship, almost one third of adolescent girls will receive a sext from a stranger online. Unsolicited sexually explicit messages, especially to a minor, are a form of sexual assault and should be dealt with differently from active, consensual engagement in sexting.
Although it can feel as though the sexting is your fault or personal in some way, it isn’t. Your child is not trying to get back at you for something; they are likely in a vulnerable state of mind that requires delicate attention and care.
4 tools to support your child and address sexting behavior:
Expose your teenager to sex-positive and inclusive body-image stimuli, such as books about puberty and sexual activity specifically geared towards teenagers and images of successful, happy people of all shapes, sizes, colors, and cultural identities (make sure they see confident people who look like them!)
Positively affirm your teenager on a regular basis, including acknowledging their hard work, telling them they look great, expressing your pride in their achievements, and learning what makes them feel seen, heard, and loved
Empower your teenager to reach out for support when they are struggling, whether in school, in relationships, or with their mental health
Seek out support from a counselor
As a former high school teacher and a current therapist, I can work with teenagers and families from a non-threatening, confidential position to address any underlying factors that contribute to the behavior and provide a safe space to discuss questions and concerns.