The Toll of Postpartum
As a new mother, whether it's your first or your fifth, there is a shift in body, mind and soul that plays out in sometimes inexplicable ways. Every mother has a different experience in conceiving, bearing and rearing children, yet the common denominator is that it encompasses the fullness of her being, her body. Because our bodies are different, it is sometimes hard to gauge a sense of normalcy when it comes to emotions, feelings or behaviors related to maternity. In this special and intense time of life, it is important to check in with the self throughout the postpartum period to notice what might be going on behind the scenes.
Is what I’m feeling normal?
Everyone’s “normal” is different, and there are many indicators that additional support is needed; here are some thoughts and feelings that could indicate that it is time to reach out for help:
Have you felt short tempered or agitated one moment and then uncontrollably sad the next? Are you experiencing tearful spells, sometimes for days, or debilitating self hatred coursing through your body? Is the internal doubt shouting “You’re lazy and disgusting,” “You’re just crazy,” or “You’re a horrible mother?” Maybe it's not just the “baby blues," maybe it’s not just “insecurities…”
Any one or all of these occasions could be a sign of postpartum depression or perinatal circumstances.
Here is a reminder that you are not your inner critic and you are not alone.
What is PPD?
Postpartum depression (PPD) is a perinatal mood disorder caused by physical changes in women who have recently given birth. Hormones drastically shift and drop after having babies, causing emotional repercussions that sometimes increase with sleep deprivation, low support systems, or isolation. According to Postpartum Support International, PPD is the most common complication of childbirth, impacting approximately 15% of women and rising. Yet it is incredibly rare to hear people engage in a face to face, compassionate conversation about PPD, especially in the throws of shiny societal expectations of motherhood. In some cases, postpartum psychosis, an even more taboo topic, can be overlooked but carries a sinister biological response of delusions or paranoia (one out of every 1,000 births). In the most tragic and rare cases, those dark visions become actions, and some women hurt themselves or their children.
With PPD, you may feel physically fine. Baby and mom might be healthy by average medical standards but the reality might be that your inward dialogue is full of anxiety. Some even experience PPD to the point of panic attacks, hallucinations, or other distressing symptoms that inhibit daily functioning.
Paying the toll of your postpartum season sometimes means experiencing severe depression, anxiety, and feeling out of control. These warning signs may take your body on a rollercoaster of dysregulated thoughts, confusing reactions or physiological disturbances that manifest in culturally “inappropriate” behaviors. Add to that the many stigmas around motherhood, comparisons, and influx of social media “how to’s” and there's a recipe for overwhelm that may present itself in significant stress responses (ever hear of fight, flight, freeze, fawn?”). This not only affects mom, but the whole family unit. In times like these it is common to experience fear, feelings of failure or of burdening others.
While there may be a slew of contributing factors associated with PPD, there is no cookie cutter for your own experience. Moving through the emotions of postpartum can be a long road that taxes the body, mind and soul. How we talk or not talk about postpartum matters for the wellbeing of ourselves and families.
How can I take care?
Could you ask yourself today…Am I struggling with some of these symptoms? Have I checked in on my sister, friend, neighbor or coworker who recently had a baby?
Partners, family members, and friends might not fully understand the severity of PPD or how to provide the necessary support. This lack of empathy can discourage mothers from opening up about their struggles. Postpartum depression and anxiety are very real and unfortunately very common.
In any feelings of isolation or loneliness, it is imperative to have social support to reinforce your healing process. Capitalizing on resources such as therapy, support groups, medication and other spaces that provide empathy and understanding. Be encouraged to ask specific questions of your doctor about your experience. Today, take a pause to notice what your body might need. Can you muster the courage to reach out and share your feelings with a trusted person?
Bringing life into the world is a heavy sacrifice on the body and mind. No matter how you entered the gates of motherhood, here is your reminder that your identity lies outside of caretaking, outside of guilt or shame, outside of the pain you might be feeling. If you find yourself in a season of what could be PPD or perinatal distress, here are some resources for you as you move toward grieving and healing.
https://www.womenshealth.gov/TalkingPPD